palimpsest

As the years go by it seems more of a challenge to keep track of events. I believe it was around the spring of 2007 or 2008 that our lives started to be a part of Butterscotch’s. He was a young man then, a year or two old. He started visiting us from time to time, coming up on our front porch looking for some attention and a little food. He would hang around for an afternoon and then disappear for weeks on end. This continued through maybe 2012 or 2013.

At that point he started living on our front porch 24/7. We figured his owner must have moved. We tried letting him in the house every now and then, but he never got along with our indoor cats, and he was happy living on the porch. He was a hunter and a fighter, often bringing his kills to our front door. His face was, more often than not, marked with scratches from his nightly fights. I am certain he wore them as badges of honor.

It was always evident that he was strong and tough, yet he was a sweet cat who would crawl into my lap on the porch and take a break. He was always very calm and friendly around all our friends and family. I purchased a little cat shelter for him to sleep in during the winter. It had a heated mat in it and when it got really cold, I covered it with an insulated sleeping bag. He looked cozy in it during the winter.

In the winter of 2019, I decided one evening to let Butterscotch into my bedroom through the window. He came in willingly and slept on the bed until I got up at four thirty. At that point, he went over to the window and tapped on the glass signifying he wanted out. Little did I know that this would begin a daily ritual for several years. It was cute and I allowed it, but there were times when it was very annoying.

The ritual began each evening with Butterscotch tapping at the window to let me know he was ready to come in for the night. I had to keep my door closed from that point on due to the three other cats who would not appreciate the intrusion. There were a few head scratches and rubs and then lights out. At the time I woke up most mornings at 4:30 so that is when he would go out, usually by tapping the window but there were times when he was too comfortable to move. In those cases, my wife would let him out later. This continued until the summer of 2023.

As he aged, at one point I got him a couple sets of pet steps. One set was outside under the window and the other was inside under the window. This helped as his legs weakened. There were times when he would just jump from one place to another but eventually the steps became the norm. It was sad to see but I was determined to make any changes I could to help him.

As old men sometimes do, Butterscotch started to show signs of dementia. It started with tapping on the window to go out but then coming back and tapping on the outside glass just a few minutes later. He would do this four or five times in an hour until he settled on in or out. It was comical but sad at the same time. His condition deteriorated until the winter of 2023 became very trying. There were some nights when it was cold, and I just slept in another room. If I did this he would settle down and sleep. I guess he realized he was not getting the window open by himself.

He started to lose weight in the winter of 2024, so I took him to the vet. As suspected, he was ill. The vet determined that a large tumor was on a kidney, and it was advanced. He said he could operate but at eighteen years old he was nearing the end, and it was doubtful he would benefit much. I brought Butterscotch home to live out his days as comfortably as possible. It was February of 2024.

He continued to slow down, sleeping most of the day. He still had a good appetite and continued to go outside. Around mid-March he came in one night and never went to the window again; a sure sign the time was near. For some strange reason he took to only wanting water from the bathroom sink faucet. This was good in that he still wanted to drink water. Toward the end of March, he struggled to get to the sink, and I think he fell once while trying. After that we started taking him into the bathroom and sitting him on the counter and staying by his side while he drank. He had lost even more weight. When he stopped drinking, I made the decision to take him to the vet for the last time.

On April second, 2024, I took off from work early and got him in his carrier. He did not struggle; he was so light. My wife said her goodbyes and Butterscotch and I made his last journey to the vet. The doctor was very kind and gentle. They gave him a sedative and left the room. I could see the old man was succumbing to the medicine fast. I picked up a paw and it just fell with no resistance. His eyes were still open, and he was aware. I rubbed his head and even extended his claws, something I dared not do before. It was very quiet and peaceful. The vet came back and administered the final drug. Within seconds Butterscotch was headed to that Rainbow Bridge.

I think of the old man often, mostly in the evening. Sometimes it feels like he is in the bedroom. For a few weeks after his passing I would wake up startled by what I thought was tapping at the window. While we have no tangible way of knowing I feel that when our pets pass their spirit spends some time nearby to comfort us. That Spring I would occasionally feel something next to my leg or side while sleeping. Sometimes I would look and of course there was nothing there that I could see. But then, I did not need to see him to feel his presence.